I can't bear it any longer and I have to tell someone about this predicament my husband and I are in. We've been so caught up in this that we could not think straight. I just want someone else's advice aside from my family and neighbors.
Remember my in-laws that I rarely mention here in my blog except in one Wordless Wednesday and in one blog entry of meeting a long-lost and not-even-met-niece? Yes, they are the ones who have caused us much tension these past few days since May 26th. (click on the links to view)
My brother-in-law J***, who has been in hiding for more than a year now, was arrested for the crime of qualified theft. In this blog, may I say that the damage has been done - as all of us immediate family members and a few baranggay officials here already know the truth.
The very bad news though- my hubby and I are being accused by the family of being tipsters for J***'s arrest. As my policeman brother-in-law A**** texted us that evening, "You must be happy now . J*** just got arrested ." (Masaya na kayo . Nahuli na si J*** .)
We were indignant when we received this text message from A****. My hubby called him to clarify but he wouldn't listen. It doesn't help either that Gr*** would fan the flames every minute she was texted or spoken to. The latest: now that J*** himself got out on temporary bail, he too - despite what he told us weeks ago - believes that we reported him.
We think back to those past few months when my SIL Gr*** and BIL A**** frequently visited us and we welcomed them. We think back where in their minds have they thought of this idea that we gave the policemen or J***'s victim the leading information. I'm really angry for this. I mean really, really angry.(I'm angry for they are hurting my hubby again, making him feel the outcast in the family sometimes labeling him as the "adopted" It's a long story...)
I tell you, these incidents have happened before many many years ago between their family and us. One family member can just cause trouble and speak lies against one to the other, then all would be chaos and turmoil. It doesn't even help when a parent or both are present because they,too, take sides - oh yes, the parents indeed! In this family a naughty rumor or a lie might as well be chronicled in stone.
There were months or even years that passed that we haven't spoken to them for their accusations or issues. Especially for my policeman brother-in-law, whom my hubby considers his close friend, we haven't spoken to them in 1999-2002 because we sued him and his wife for not paying their debts to us. It took that long for the pain to heal, the debts still haven't been paid but it doesn't matter, because after many years, all went well and all was forgotten. Anyway, they've been a big help also to us when my family hit rock bottom. But my hubby and I just want peace with everyone.
I just feel so betrayed, thinking of all the nice things that happened recently, yet here we are that a huge quarrel has happened again. Made me ask myself if their kindness was all pretense then? What made them think that way about us, after all the good days we've been together? Is it for lack of money or is it for the presence of money? (I told my hubby it doesn't matter - they can hate anybody and they have people for having too much money and even for having none)
To my dear readers, I ask of you, please forgive this very long post. Please try to understand the feelings I have at this moment why this small issue is growing out of proportion.
As God is my witness, the issues and troubles we've experienced with my hubby's family have been countless since we were together in 1992. God knows, we've been kind and pleasing to them. I'm grateful that we were able to bear all that.
Yet, I'm really saddened that they've turned against us for no plausible reason, no single evidence but mere hearsay. It hurts most when this happens within a family and there is no one else who can advise.
I'm making it clear, we have nothing to do with J***'s arrest. Actually, we only knew where he was in January when my SIL L******** from the US together with the family visited him, but we kept mum about it, because we thought of his 2 young girls who need his care now that J****'s wife is in Kuwait. We never said a word.
Imagine also the embarrassment of being frequently visited by the authorities asking where J*** is, we just said we don't know. So we just did as we were told by my other SIL S***** in Singapore to let him be, or let him hide, or let him run away. However, my hubby and I don't know how to reach him.
I know that what we've done is bad (covering him), and against the law, but was it good enough for their family? I think I did the right thing, as a member of the family. Or maybe at the back of my mind, I'm possibly fearful of them, of what their minds can think of. Maybe I'm afraid of them more. Maybe. It confuses me now why we chose to abide by their direction than doing the lawful thing to do.
Now everyone of them believe G****'s story that we tipped J*** off. Sad to say, the remaining family members who may still believe in our story can be easily swayed anytime.
So I'm still here to sort this out. Seeking counselling for this very specific problem. Handling anger, I got it from a friend's blog. But at home, my hubby and I encourage each other that this, too, will pass and the truth will be told. And when all has settled, we must always forgive and get off the bad thought pattern of the family so we don't pass it on to all our children, nephews, nieces, and the next generation.
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10 Comments:
Dear Chris,
You are very sensive over such an issue often coming up in big families. Just think, firstly you have not reported to police, secondly, even if reported, you are right in reporting. So either way you are right. World is too big to care for others opinions and accusations. A few days back, I hd researched on stresses like this and how to combat -
http://www.theosophus.com/articles/693/manage-yourself-when-mentally-stressed/
Please see coolly, if it helps you and your husband.
All the best,
Ram Bansal
Chriss
Thanks for your comment, Ram. Thanks for the link too. I really needed someone's opinion about this. I agree, I'm quite a different person when these things happen it's as if I suddenly forget all the positive things I learned. Thanks much for helping me. Keep them coming =)
Hi Chris,
I really feel for you. It is not easy to deal with problems especially when family is involved. What is important is that you and your husband are endlessly supporting each other. It sounds like your in-laws made up their mind from the beginning, do not stress your self out in convincing them the truth because only you know the truth. The truth will always set you free but in their case , they are living in such dream land. People like them know the truth but refuse to embrace so they cope by quickly pinpointing at others.
It just baffles me that your bro-in- law has been hiding which means he is guilty of what ever crime he has done but his family is blinded by it. He has been caught because karma just bite him back. What goes around comes around. Now, you know what kind of people they are and for even treating your husband like that. The fact is we can not please everyone, you don't have to reason with them. Your priority is you, your husband and your kids. Chris, I understand that you want this fix for the sake of your kids but what if it can't be. Do you really want your kids to be exposed to this kind of people. You will never have peace of mind if this happens all the time, it's not healthy. It hurts but you have to take your self out of this equation. You have a limit too. Don't hesitate to ask any advice :)
Bilang isa pong bata na hindi uhm maaari na sumabat sa usapang matanda.. :D uhm.. ang sa akin po kung sila ang may problema sa ino wag mo na po iyon pansinin, mas mabuti po na hindi niyo na lang sila komprontahin. I think praying for them would make things btter. :)
Kasama ka na po sa aking mga panalangin. :)
Chriss
@Arlyna Thanks for your insight, it's giving me the encouragement that what I've been thinking of all these years, of keeping silent,not being reactive, and staying away from them is right after all. A family friend told me that,too, when I confided in here lately. She says it's been that for long so it's better to stay away for our children's sake. Thanks, Arlyna, God bless you :)
@JDLim Thanks, too, I welcome your views also. Makuha man lang ang kaisipan ng mga tulad ninyong kabataan. I see my own children in you, what they might be thinking when "rattling" things happen in the family. Pinaka-simple na ngang solusyon ang di na lang sila bigyan ng atensyon at ipasa-Diyos na lang ang lahat. Thanks for posting a comment here =)
Hi. It took me a while to finish this post.:)
I somehow understand the side of your in-law. If understanding means putting yourself in the situation where they are in, things will go differently. I think they just 'needed' someone to blame with the situation. Some people are like that.
'Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,w/thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God ;
And peace of God,w/c surpasses all understanding,will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.'
hope that passage helps. =)
Everything happens for a reason.
God Bless you and your family.
=)
Chris,
Pray that their minds will be enlighten and they will see the truth...
and oh, if in some freakin' incident that you and your in-laws bump into each other, just throw your nicest smile on them :)
Godbless!
Hi Chriss,
I really commiserate with your problem and I will pray for you. You were caught in a family squabble that was not of your own making. Your only fault was that you got married to your husband who have this interwoven problems with his family. The best recourse is just to ignore them. You know you are innocent of the thing they are accusing you of and time will reveal the truth of your innocence. You can just pray for them that they be enlightened. In the meantime turn over your problem to the Lord and He will sort out everything. You can only get justice from God and not from this world. People will think what they want to think and no amount of protestations can convince them to change their biased opinions. Just turn everything to the Lord and you will be vindicated at the end. Thanks for the post. God bless you always.
Cheers and peace to you.
Hi! ate Chris,
so sad to hear this. Mas lalong nakakalungkot at napaksakit lalo ng involve ang family. I hope in you and your husband will resolve this issue. Kaya nyo yan! After all God is Good. He will not give something na trials na hindi nyo kayanin! I wll pray for your family! God Bless..
Hi Chris,
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I know this could be causing a lot of stress right now but I do agree with Ram, just try not to think about this.
Your life is way to important to spend it worrying on what other people's opinion.
They cause the problem and they should not put the blame on you.
Hi Chris,
I understand the situation you are in, but as long as you know the truth, don't bother yourself about them,(the family) because no matter what you say or do, they will believe what they want to believe.All these will come to pass.Just give all your problems to God,and He will do the rest. If you can stay away from them the better, keep your children away from, for they may imbibe the negativity in them. God bless!
Chriss
Thanks, everyone, I've been reading all your comments often since I've posted this entry. There has been a change in me and my hubby in handling this because of all your advice. We are both thankful to you all.
Indeed, it's time to move on and attend to all the work that we regularly do on the homefront, and giving attention to other more important things like my immigration status, hubby's employment and our eldest son's schooling (he has not enrolled yet, for financial reasons). *sigh*
But all is well, we'll keep focused on our family's welfare and trust the Lord completely in this and in ALL things.
Again, thanks for sharing your views and your advice. I'm amazed, this is probably one of those rare times I'm happy that I'm a blogger with plenty of friends who love and care for me. God bless you all.
